Just How grateful am I?

Just wondering ......just how grateful am I. Tears come to my eyes often these days, sometimes I know why and often I wonder just why. Spiritually I face challenges daily, sometimes I can shake it and at times I can't because fear sets in. Then I sit and wonder about my gratefulness ..........I was called to rise this morning, I didn't get a call with bad news about my children and their families. I have a roof over my head, more than enough to eat, clothes to wear and friends to talk to and be with.
The little things that throw me off track are trivial to some but to myself, my mind, my heart.....they are major. But as I think about it, those things are not my burdens to even consider and why do I have them thrown in my backpack lugging them around. Why is it every time I see one I pick it up and toss it in the old backpack to weigh me down.
How grateful am I when I do the above mentioned, I ask myself? Why do I put myself though this? I remember along time ago when I was down and out, homeless and out in the world with nothing but my children and once in a shelter. I was homeless by choice, escaping abuse, I chose to leave it rather than live in it. ....That time was peaceful to me, I had nothing but my kids and the few possesions we had in our bags. Where ever we were, we had each other, I made the most of it because we were safe. I struggled and I put it all in God's backpack, I couldn't carry a backpack and my little children who needed me. I never let them see the tears, I never let them now they were homeless, I did everything possible to make the best of my situation. I worked hard, and prayed even harder, I cried but I cried to the Lord.
Now here I am situation not remotely resembling where I was 23 years ago. But it feels like it and I was wondering ....am I not grateful?
Well, Lord, here I am, surrendering and taking this backpack off of me.........here take it, my back and shoulders hurt. I am grateful that I am allowed to do this, I am allowed to hold the Lord responsible to His word, that he will be with me in my darkest hour. For me not to fear, I am grateful that when I trot off, He doesn't go the other way, He is trotting beside me. I am grateful that He is over in Afghanistan with my daughter and He is so magnificent that he is here with me too, How awesome is that? He can be where ever we need him to be and He will be there....when we say I need you Lord, please hear my prayer, Cry to Him and our Father will do everything for us! How grateful am I? Another thing I am gonna put in my backpack, Lord, hold up, open the backpack so I can put that in there too! I love you Lord, now I am going to wait on you. You are worthy of my gratefulness, my tears...........Abide in me.